Sex-u-el.

silly

That is all.

It ain't summer

Until True Blood starts! And the first episode was SO intriguing. We decided to buy HBO, at least for the summer, and split it four ways. I suppose I can handle spending $3.75/month if it means having the new seasons of True Blood and Curb Your Enthusiasm. In other words, I'll be spending the summer indoors watching TV rather than out in the sunshine. Vampire styyyyyle.

Our new obsession...

John Waters. So amazing I have to post about it before I respond to your amazing posts.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCyMkgqY2FM&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tygsRKztoZw&feature=related

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZNCVvXRRsg

ALSO

I have never been a lady gaga follower but what the hell is this???  A)  somehow I sense she is influenced by bruce springsteen.  b) Bruce's sax player is in the video, so I'm right.  C)  this is the most boring music video ever created??  How can she get away with putting it out?  SHE DOESNT EVEN HAVE BACK UP DANCERS!!  Why does nobody talk about how much she rips Madonna off?  Why?  Why is she famous?  Can you give me any answers?  Actually, this song is kind of stuck in my head, so I'll give her that.

romeo and juliet

Tomorrow I am going to see the Royal Ballet's version of Romeo and Juliet... such a beautiful ballet.  I dare you to watch this whole video and not get a little emotional

The weather in london right now is SO OBNOXIOUS.  just drizzle. mad drizzle.  

the glew crew

What a sad new york time article.  That last line is a killer "When one species disappears, another tends to follow."  I often think of our time with Suvy and Demon or whatever his name was with fondness.  I also have cravings for poppers that I doubt will ever completely subside.

I am suffering from a bout of crippling ennui and general sadness.  I find watching vintage episodes of Intervention on youtube really helps that sad state.

Why vinyl will always be cool...

I just want to BE these pictures.

http://www.dangerousminds.net/comments/famous_people_hanging_out_with_their_vinyl/

Where have all the street urchins gone?!

GLUE CREW WHERE ARE YOU?

http://www.nytimes.com/2011/06/15/nyregion/in-the-east-village-where-have-all-the-crusties-gone.html?_r=1

And here's a blog we should follow so they follow us:

http://crustypunks.blogspot.com/

london is moody as fuck

Daytime/Nighttime

Okay well I suppose that can be your daytime outfit. Chainmail should be enough to ward off those who would think of harassing you. Here is a link to more views of your nighttime outfit: http://mysite.verizon.net/tulkaz/1430.html. I think the model does a great job showing off its versatility, practicality, AND sexiness. He's definitely making some sexy eyez.

Armo(u)r

What about this one?  A little more understated?

Henry the VIII style

Thank youuu! I knew you would understand. Luckily I get paid today, but I'm already nervous for the next rent bill. Ah well. I just need another job/zzzz.

ROBERT! So so so so so silly with that lady. It's not Pamela, but she was more of a Jimmy woman anyway. She's probably taking the picture. I miss our Zeps. I have neither listened nor watched them in a forever. Makes me sad. I need some of the Dark Wizard's magie (das french).

And YOU need some protection. I'm very worried about all of these stabbings. We've already discussed how being stabbed would be horrible, and I really don't want you to take any chances. SO I'm going to have to ask you to wear the outfit below when you walk around at night. Or even in the day since the English stabbers seem so adventurous.

It's English so you should be able to find it. I would pick up the sword, too. That's not to say I think you should go around stabbing people, but the outfit really isn't complete without it. This will make me feel much better about you being out and about on your own.

FEEL BETTER

It is all worth it

Think of all the times we have spent our last dollars or bottles of champagne or excessive nights out.  Always worth it.  We wouldn't have stories to tell and we wouldn't have FUN if we lived within our means.  Even sober fun.  Think -- I couldn't afford the Zeppelin DVD when I bought it and YET I did and we got hours... HOURS I TELL YOU... of extreme pleasure and happiness out of that DVD.

In fact, I really miss you and I really wish that we could watch it again!  Now!!

Um, I know this will officially make this a porn blog, but have you ever seen this picture?!?  ROBERT PLANT!  WHY YOU SO CRAZY?!  So... is this Pamela??  It kind of looks like her?  I wish I could bleep out her boobs.

A toast to those with imagination!

Do I! You saucy minx. I'm glad you're putting that paycheck to fashionable use. It only helps to further our cause. What cause? THE CAUSE. The aesthetic cause. The flaneur cause. The rock and roll cause.

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination.

A very controversial quote....At least when I posted it as my Facebook status. Many find it egotistical and selfish, and they're probably right. However, I can't help but agree, and I know you do as well. Especially when my bank account is overdrawn, and my rent is $1000/month. Wilde is comforting when you are stressed about money, but don't want to hate yourself for blowing it. You may have been irresponsible, but there is still a part of you that gets a kick out of it. You hate it and you know there is no other way you would rather live. It all goes back to the great notion of contradiction that I love to read and write about so much. Salome was irresistible and lethal, as is living like Keith Richards when you're not Keith Richards.

I realize this is ridiculous and insensitive when so many people are barely hanging on. Still, it's not really about money, of course. It's about feeling as though you can breath even when you're gasping for air.

This is not to say that your shopping spree today was out of your means. You're working hard and I'm sure you can afford it! But I know you well enough to know that YOU know what I'm talking about. I'm just in the negative and trying to remind myself that it's all worth it.

I miss you.

Shopping massacre

Today I got a little manic with the shopping.  I dominated Portobello Road and Kensington High Street.  I feel that I can post some of my purchases on this blog for your critique and ... well... general awe and praise at my fashion prowess today.  

I love that video you posted.  It certainly isn't too late for us to become video vixens who are as good as, if not better than, those fascinating, articulate and talented ladies!

London is full of multicolor houses.  Example:

And now for some of my clothing discoveries today:

YOU LIKEY??

Hanky, Panky, and Moo

Well I hope you enjoyed the video/example of what you COULD have had if you never strayed from your video honey aspirations. I suppose there's still time. We're young. And we live in two of the greatest rock and roll cities in the universe. Let's get back to it, yes?

Tom Hanks! I do love him. Did you see his parody of Toddlers in Tiaras? I feel like we watched that together. I think you should invest in a mini spy camera. It's only appropriate for this blog, title and all. Buy a spy camera and take pictures of all the celebs you see to post here. Something like "paparazzi" sites, but, you know.... with a little more awesomeness and intelligence and pretension. 

This weekend I was in the 802. That's Vermont slang for Vermont. It was the Strolling of the Heifers! YEAHHHYAYAYAYYYY!!! 

It's a big deal. Thousands descend on my little town to watch the cows and hippies and hicks stroll down Main Street. My Jer-z family was in town for the festivities, and we had ourselves a swell ol' time. 

Cow

Hippy belly dancers

Yum

Video Honey

Before I respond to your latest post, I feel I need to send you this gem:

http://youtu.be/jNSD0f38gaA

Sorry

For my lack of posting, I had a very busy weekend.  On Saturday night at work we had a celebrity explosion, complete with paparazzi -- Tom Hanks (!!!!!), Gwyneth Paltrow (who I have seen twice at the River Cafe now, and who is actually really cool) and Thandie Newton (also SO sweet).
This is Tom on Saturday night:

He seemed very nice and down to earth but annoyed by the lurking paps.  A table full of children were bothering him so he went at shook all of their hands.  When I brought a candle to the table he started singing Happy Birthday.  I love him.  His wife Rita Wilson is very beautiful.  Tom Hanks 4 Lyfe.

Today I am going to walk around aimlessly and perhaps buy some work clothes.  I am starting to write a story about some of the colorful characters from my darker days -- perhaps I can post some sections from it on Tha Blogue.  

hot chicks

Apparently, NYC is in for a violent summer if the Memorial Day weekend murder rate is any indicator. I guess the city heat is an incubator for murderous rage and homicide. And, yes, we have guns. I would definitely rather be shot than stabbed, but still being held up at needlepoint is what terrifies me the most. Why? No idea. I mean I could probably smack a needle out of someones hand without being harmed a lot easier than I could a gun or knife. STILL! NEEDLE POINT! AIDS! You know. Scary. Also the whole brick throwing thing. You guys are creative but man are you fuuuucked up. I would love to watch some ghetto London drama. Must find.

I'm at work nowww. My friend just gave me some new music that is most excellent. Do you know Thee Headcoatees? Did I ask you this before? I love them. They do a lot of covers of 60s garage rock. Holly Golightly is one of the main chickssssss.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pPp3Kg7ZbgE
Check. It. Out. I feel like I've already posted about this. If that is the case, I'm very sorry. Please don't yell at me.

Jesus

I can't wait to watch that.  

Today I am over my hangover and feel like a brand-new person.  Now I am casually sipping some Earl Grey tea and watching the FLAVA channel.  Ghetto English culture is.. interesting.  There are a lot of random stabbings and crimes based around hoodies.  It lacks the danger of the American inner-city because it's impossible to find guns over here.  And yet, I have a huge fear of being knifed.  Ouch.  Morbid question: would you rather be stabbed or shot? I feel like if you were shot it would be quicker and less scary.  With a knife you would have moments of terror as this shining metal thing came towards you... 

ANYWAY!!!!!!!

Last night, after I finished watching the Crack House documentary, I watched Louis Theroux's documentary about Miami Mega Jails.  I am really into crime and gangsters right now.  Well, I always am, actually.  

Next movie for you...

Hooky

So once again I find myself feeling guilty for playing hooky from our sacred blogue. I've been playing hooky in life as well. It's Memorial Day weekend in this fair patriotic country. In other words, it's the first weekend of SUMMER, and it's HOT as hell. My best friend from Italy came to town last week, and I skipped out on work to go to Coney Island.

We went a few days before the rides were open, but it was a total blast. Coney Island brews, hot dogs sauerkraut, ice cream, bumper cars, skee ball... you know. They were testing the rides in heavy fog, and it made for a very eerie scene perfect for photographs.

A friend from DC is also in town. My cousin's friend who came to the Dominican with us. There have been a few very late nights, and our days are spent wandering around doing this and that. Very pleasant and casual, and I hate the thought of having everyone leave tomorrow and my having to go back to work.

How's the extreme wallet diet going? Any new rock star sightings? Are you sweltering?

20 pounds in 10 days

That sounds like an extreme diet.  Hmmm..

Right now I am drinking this drink called "Kinnie" that a man in a convenience store gave me as a "promotion."  It's from "Malta."  I don't "trust" it.  It is made from "bitter oranges and aromatic herbs."  It tastes alcoholic but it claims that it is "non-alcoholic."

70 going on 20

Sweet, sweet saucy Bob. Happy Birthday to you!

And for the tattoos, yes I do think they should come from Salome. Not sure where on the body to get them.  We'll figure it out!

As long as you don't do anything but talk to me for a week, I think 20 pounds is enough. They feed you at work right?

It's supposed to be 80 degrees and HUMIND/RAINY today. Dis-gust-ing. I'll just channel Bob and keep my cool.

tattoo

We need to seriously plan our tattoos...  Where is the best place to PUT a tattoo??  I think it should be from Salome.  Thoughts?

I have the WHOLE DAY OFF today.  I have no money... such is the life of a peniless flaneur.  I can't wait to get paid in about... one week, three days.  I have to make less than 20 pounds last until Sunday.  I think I can... I am used to that level of financial insecurity.  

Sienna Miller came into work yesterday and she is the most bland-looking person I have ever seen... don't get why she's famous???

Die trying..

Good morning my little english muffin!

I've been searching for plane tickets to London (as well as new jobs), and everything is nearly $1000. Obviously out of my price range at the moment, but I am looking for restaurant work or something to make a bit more money. If all goes well, I'm hoping to save enough to come see you sometime this summer.

Another option is to see if there is a euro-city we could meet in that might be cheaper to get to. I would still have to save up, but perhaps not as much. I don't know. Ideally Florence would be cheaper, but it's not. I'm thinking, I'm thinking!

On another note, have you heard that the world is ending? I guess if that's the case, I won't be making it to London by Sunday, 6 pm. I wonder where Mr. God will send us?

I'm not sure if our shared love for Aubrey Beardsley/ Salome/ Aestheticism has anything to do with it, but I'm not sure Sunday's judgmental God would appreciate it. Ooooo well! Here's a lovely little painting by a lovely little man named Michelangelo. Judgement Day doesn't seem so bad...

TRIUMPHANT RETURN

So pleased you are back, Spy 2.  I am so sorry about your job.  That is BAD.  I hate them.  How dare they.  As consolation I think that the universe should hand you a free, or perhaps hugely discounted flight to London, and my arms and the English puff that I now have the pleasure of inhabiting.

I miss you so much.  It's horrible.  Today I went to the Victoria & Albert museum to see an exhibit about my 19th Century homies, the Aesthetes.  There was some amazing stuff there, including many Rossettis AND illustrations by Beardsley.  I'm not so sure if you have been exposed to the genius of Aubrey Beardsley, but if not, I'll start off your new obsession:

He was great friends with Oscar Wilde and illustrated Salome, and probably more of his stories.  I love him.  I thought of you.

I feel lonely and aimless without Spy One.  My beautiful flat is going to waste as you have not been able to experience it.  London cries.  WOW this has been a... melancholy post.  I think it's because the sun is setting while I write this.  

Absence makes the heart grow fonder...

... or forgetful? I hope not. And I sincerely apologize for the one-sided conversation. So here goes my triumphant return into your life and the life of this blog!

First of all, the stars you've seen are a bit mind-boggling, and I'm not exactly sure how to respond. 

POWER STANCE?

JPJ??? SCHOOL GIRL? DEMI GOD?!

FRY? OVALTINE?

I can't possibly stay in New York when all of this is happening. Please keep your eyes open for cheap plane tickets. 

Which leads me to $$$... I have none. My job gets worse everyday. Despite the many requests from my colleagues, there is one woman and one woman only who REFUSES to give me more than 26 hrs/wk. That's not even full part-time! Blarf. Serves me right for working there for 7 years? I think not. 

The upshot is that I'm pretty much in a position to do anything (except for the whole not having money thang, and the whole work visa thing, and the whole paying rent thing etc.) If you have any ideas tell me, of course. If Stephan Fry asks you if you know of any outstanding American girls who would like to be his joke-tester-outers-on, you know who to call. 

In good news, I have a record player now. So, once again, keep your eyes open for kickass british vinyl. I'm slowly lugging my dad's record collection to the city, but many of them are scratched. New hobby, new life. 

I also went to the Dominican Republic and never told you about it. Paradise on Earth. Every hour was rum o'clock. We broke a jacuzzi, but it really wasn't our fault (shotty construction). Many waterfalls, rum, horses, rum, beach chairs, rum, palm trees, massages, rum rum, fully catered, lots of rum, flora, rum, fauna, rum, sea urchins, COCK FIGHTS, RUM RUM RUM! 

You get the idea? 

I must get back to work now. Not that they deserve it. If not triumphant, I hope this return was at least satisfactory. I love you, Spy tou! 

i am dissappointed

I talked to John Paul Jones tonight at the river cafe.  He is displeased with your neglect of this blog.

Can you sense his angst and displeasure?

sausage roll problem

I am eating sausage rolls and I can't stop drinking white wine.  I don't know what is wrong with me.

I hope you are basking in the tropical sun as I bask in the London sun.

This is the bridge I walked over every day to get to school when I was little.

How I imagine your nights in London...

What

You mean I should MISS the toothless, oxycontin-addled, lumpen masses of Greenfield?!  How DARE you suggest such a thing?!?!?!?

London is HOT.  As in, it is HOT and you can't wear trousers, you have to wear shorts or a dress or something.  The other day I walked up Portobello Road and through a crowd of rastafarians and it made me think of you.  Today I will probably continue my life as a flaneur.  I'll take some pictures of sunny London for you.

Jsut to remind you of what you're not missing...

Hope this makes you enjoy London even more!

Mission...1?

Go see this for me mmk?

http://www.ft.com/cms/s/2/2b312c24-6570-11e0-b150-00144feab49a.html#axzz1JnDc7WM5

Hungover

I love scary movies.  

Last night I somehow went to the Box in Soho.  I think there's one in New York.  We were at a table and they just kept bringing these bubbly heaven shots.  Everyone there was an old Russian billionaire or famous or some form of prostitute.  I loved it.  Sebastian would have loved it.  YOU would love it.  Actually I am not ready to describe the bondage sex show they put on for us because I am too hungover.

What's your favorite scary movie?

Pick up the phone...

I dare you to open the front door...

I'm in the closet...

I just saw  SCRE4M. So insanely badly good.

I DARE you to go see it. I think the most terrifying part is the size of Courtney Cox's whale lips.

communication in communication in communication

dreary london

I hope your birthday was pure magic.

I might have a job as a cocktail waitress in Soho.  Temporary fix for my ever-dwindling funds.  There is a live Cuban band every night.  I refuse to be sucked back into the vampiric lifestyle of working nights, however -- this is a TEMPORARY FIX.

Last night I had a dream that was very much inspired by your birthday donuts.  I met you in a candy/pastry store and you were talking about your birthday party but I wasn't invited :(  Subconscious anxiety dream.  Then I started eating donuts.  Extreme fatty that I am becoming.  Yesterday I ate so much Easter chocolate it makes me hate myself.

I don't even know when Easter is, anyway.

MISS YOUUU

THANK YOU MY LITTLE SPY MUFFIN!! The birthday brut below is in response to your bottle. They miss each other.................... no projection there.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!

Contribute.

This small bottle of champagne demands that you post something.

cambridge

Got the pictures to work...!

These are the protesters outside of parliament.  

The Duke of Westminster was in love with Coco Chanel and if you're in the Westminster part of London you can see her initials engraved on the lampposts.  I love that they are still there.

test 2

test. test. sibilance. sibilance.

albion

Spent all day in the Tate, mainly in the Romantics room, with my good friends Turner and Blake.  I love the Romantics more than anything else, as they unabashedly admit to their roles as inspired geniuses and prophets, AS DO I.  I especially loved Regulus by Turner.  Painted from the viewpoint of a Roman general who has had his eyelids removed... it is sublime.

After the Tate I walked along the Thames and before I knew it was in the midst of millions of tourists as I had walked right in front of parliament.  Woops.  I was more interested by the people across the street.  For some reason this blog is not allowing me to upload my groundbreaking and beautiful pictures.  Of lampposts and anti-war protesters.  WHY IS THIS.

The sun is beginning to set and all I can hear are day drinkers in the pub next door.  It's heartwarming.  I wish that I could join them but I'm still detoxing after the Cambridge bender.

Cambridge

Is ancient.  Everything is medieval.  It is so beautiful.  It is hard to be drunk in the town, especially with high heels.  Easy to fall over.  Something about the past few days has been awfully Withnail & I.  You understand.

On Sunday I went for lunch in Primrose Hill and sat near someone from East Enders.  I don't know if you know EastEnders.  British soap opera.  Terrible and yet great.  Big excitement for me to eat roast poussin near this fellow:

Pure class and elegance.

During the drive up to Cambridge we got caught in the most horrible rainstorm of all time.  Apocalyptic.  Floods.  Terror.  We ate at Jamie's Italian and I drank prosecco and ate scallops and managed to fall asleep and dream that I was caught in a rain storm -- but the rain was GLASS.  What kind of terrible dark things are hidden in my subconscious.  It was the worst dream I have ever had in my life, ever, ever, ever.  

Not quite recovered from our 24 hour hedonistic binge, but it involved Pimms.  And punters.  And waking up in a doorway.  And judgement.  

OH GOD

FINALLY BACK IN LONDON.  had a few days of insanity in cambridge.  feel very wobbly and unhappy with myself as a human being.  BIG missions, BIG updates on the way.  i may have 'croup'

worrisome

I'm getting nervous that the London underworld swallowed you whole.

Jesus

I'm not drunk while writing this shit. It's the damn iPod and autocorrect. OBVI. I hope you piss you pants laughing. I just did. And that girl thought she wasn't sitting next to a freak...

I just looked at her, having no verbal response to offer.

" you look just like a girl I went to highschool with."
"I don't think that's possible."
"you look just like her." she said in a dreamy kind of voice.
"nope."


She basically left me alone after that but I dis watch her harass sone other people. Finally the driver comes in a calls for reserved seats and she sprints to the front of the line. Luckily o had a reserved sear as well so I got to watch her shove the ticket in the drivers hand and , no joke, full on run out to the bus. As I was making my way on I looked around to see where age was sitting so I could sit sonewhere far far away. She was nowhere to be found. I was both creeped out and on the verge of laughing. I pick a seat and as I'm taking off my jacket this THING comes flying down the aisle from the bathroom and takes a seat at the very front. Obviously a little taken aback by the fact that another woman was already sitting in the front seat. But no bother, she sits next to the poor woman even though every other seat was empty.

And that was the end of my interaction with that person. But then this other chick in front of me is dealing with her bags etc an finally says "ugh can I just sit next to you?" I say sure. "okay good. I just don't want to get stuck sitting next to sone weirdo." once again i had Bo response. Are all people huge assholes?

"no of course not..."
"it's just that this show is so much deeper. It really gets inside you."
"well in glad you're going to see it."
"I won't be getting back until really really late."
"well I guess it's good it's Saturday."
"exactly I have nothing to do the next day." do you ever have anything to do?
"awesome. Glad it works out."
Blissful silence for about 3 minutes than this:
"do you do this a lot?"
"what ridethe bus? I guess ive done it a few times." like 100 time
"are they could about calling the reserved seats first?"
"yeah I would say they're good about it."
"oh good good. Cause I have a reserved seat." no way! "and I think a lot of people here" at this point she looks around sheepishly and whispers these next words as if she's about to say something real offensive "have standard seats."
..............,........................

" ohyeah I guess that's a concern."
"I'm going to see a friends show."
"oh that's fun."
" yeah I didn't tell my parents I was going. But I guess most 30 year olds dont tell their parents that." ooooooook
"uuum probably not."
" yeah they would tell me in crazy to see this show again. They think I've seen it too many times. They don't know how many times I've really seen it."
" well I guess if you like something...."
" there's nothing like it. Its so moving and lifechanging. I guess in addicted to it. It won thepulitzer."
" oh cool."
"it should have won a tony. I mean it's not some show like Billy Elliot. It really changes you."
Blank stare.
"not that I have anything against Billy Elliot."

Trying something new

I'm on a Peter pan bus typing on my iPod. Guess I try a new color font? In seriously bored. I get to port authority ( my enemy if my enemy canberra a place) early and look for a decent place to get a bagel and coffee. After making the rounds to assess my options, I settle on au Bon pain ( that kooks wrong). I spend 5 minutes trying to figure out how the he'll to order or grab food or pour coffe or order coffe or which of the 5 registers to use. Frazzled, i ran out with a hot coffee in hand and some sort of bagel in my bag. Oh and im wearing a very obtrusive backpack if that helps paint a picture. So I head to the gate and I swear I've never seen a more disfubctional line. I can't even call it a line. It was more of a scattered crowd of people trying their best to make it impossible for anyone to navigate around them, through them, whatever. I decided to stand in the spot that best resembled the end of the line and tried to mind my own business and sip my scalding coffee. Then this happened:

"coffee?"
" hm? Oh yeah." I nodded at this woman a few people in front of me. She was no more than five feet, abnormally large head, and a relatively normal outfit of black jeans and ballet flats. I could see the hairspray curling her highlighted hair into a crunchy, motionless mass.
" now we'regoi ng to have to use the bathroom right?" we?

Baps

Baps are delicious hamburger-sized rolls of bread.  Just a hilarious word.

Minicabs -- taxis that may or may not be legally operating, 24 hours a day.  The only lit place to run for cover on deserted, highly scary high streets in East London.

I am not pregnant -- that was an April Fool's.  Well, let's hope I have not immaculately conceived.  Speaking of biblical shit, I really hope you get the Performa job and in that token i will be praying for you my dear!  It is a nice day in the UK, but I also feel tired and my brain isn't quite working.

So many questions

First: Please explain minicab and bap. I realize I can look them up myself, but I'd rather not. 


Deuxième: My "interview" went okay. It's for a position at Performa (I may have told you?) that my old boss wants me to have. She made it sound like a done deal, but the director told me that she's not sure if she wants to hire and intern or pay someone part time. My old booooos said that the director is easily convinced. We'll see. Up in the air. Also, I'm not using names here. For some reason that seems right, but I don't know why. I think you know who I'm talking about, though. 


Terzo: I'm pretty sure you're not pregnant, again.... Again that I'm sure not again that you're pregnant. Who is the father, though, if you don't mind me asking? Is he ENGLISH? You should watch the most recent 30 Rock when Jack and his babymammmma go to Canada. But if you do watch it don't think that I'm saying England is like Canada. Mmmk? 


I'm having a hard time being articulate this morning. For example, none of the above were questions reaaalllly. And it's really obvious that I cut/pasted the french word, but I'm too lazy to change the font. 


I really enjoyed your tales of london antics. I want more. So foreign to me, and so dangerous. I hope no one holds you up at needle point. I hope no one punches you while you're innocently strolling down the street. And I hope no one throws a brick at you. English people are CRAZY. We just use guns here. 

Oh

How was your interview?

Also, I'm pregnant, and keeping it.

Big day, big night

Yesterday was a true London day.  Of course, this spy is an idiot and forgot her camera, so I shall PAINT A PICTURE WITH WORDS.

Camden is weird.  No Amy, probably a good thing as my immune system is down with a cold, don't want any diseases.  Camden is full of every kind of person, especially chavs shouting at you outside of McDonalds and Arabic men shouting at you by their stalls, peddling cheap bags and shirts and sunglasses.  Camden Market is the St Marks of London; it surely used to be dodgy and terrifying but is now gentrified and vaguely edgy.  At the Job Centre I attempted to get my National Insurance number so that I might possibly, in my wildest dreams, get a job and make some money.  That place is anthropologically fascinating, as I was surrounded by Russians and Indians and Eastern Europeans and Asians and the man helping me out had strange blue eyes and thought he had a chance at a date, I reckon.

Camden is harmless, but East London at night is not!!  We started our evening at a figure drawing class in Bethnal Green:

Yes this guy was very naked the whole time.  Can you tell my pictures went out with me last night??

We went out in Dalston to a place called the Alibi where everyone is too beautiful and too cool for school.  Worse than New York, which I did not think could be possible.  East London is grimy as fuck.  We were walking down Kingsland High street which is deserted save for 24 hr minicab places, around one in the morning.  This crazy woman came running at us with some kind of fake blood on her face, crying that she'd been attacked, why wouldn't we "fucking help her."  We ignored her and kept walking and she started shouting, saying she would punch us both in the face.  We were high and it was SCARY.  We ran down the street, convinced she had a knife.  Then she started chasing two men.  Crazy bird.  Didn't feel safe until we were inside the alibi, sweating, drinking gin and tonics and dancing to DUBSTEP and oggling the most handsome bartender... ever.

Just ate a ham and cheese on a bap.  BAPBAPBAP.